This is just a modern blog post.

THIS IS JUST A MODERN BLOG POST*: There's so much goodness packed into this post that when you get done with today's fun you're going to need to unbutton your pants. Or, smoke a cigarette. Yup. It's that good. FIRE WATER:

(source)

THIS IS NOT AMERICA:  This really is not going to help us win the hearts and minds of those we are trying to help. Is anyone else super uncomfortable with this policy?

HERO OF THE DAY: If you only read one story today about a biologist waging war against the company that wanted him to approve their widely used pesticide, make it this one. This story actually made me kind of like people for a change. At least some of them. OK, just the one. But that's a start.

HIPSTER CATERPILLAR: Apparently it's a whipworm, no doubt heading for a PBR.

looking+for+a+PBR(source)

THEN THERE'S THIS: Even if this child has tiny hands, this makes me squirm just a little bit.

YES PLEASE: You can't do much when you're wearing gloves or mittens anyway (and please, fingerless gloves? As if...) so why not have a little fun while you're keeping warm? I'd wear these. Yes, I understand that this doesn't qualify me for any best dressed lists and no you aren't going to find these over here but whatevs.

BECAUSE THE UNICORN WAS ALREADY TAKEN:

you+will+pay+for+this. (source)

GOOGLE KNOWS YOU: Specifically, how old you are. Or not, as the case may be.

PROGENY PROBABILITIES: Hey guys, worried about the power of your baby-makers? There's about to be an over-the-counter test for you. I foresee a whole new way for dudes to compete for bragging rights over s few rounds. Huzzah!

WINNING THE HEARTS AND MINDS, PART 2:

because+of+a+lie

OH THAT'S NASTY: I like bacon. I admit it. It's a fairly magical nom-nom. But even I have had enough of the seemingly endless stream of bacon-based novelty items. For me, the craze reached its zenith (or would that be nadir?) when this stuff came out. Now Jack in the Box has introduced a bacon shake. Not only does this seem way after the fact for me, it doesn't really sound tasty. And given the nutritional information, it can't really be worth it, can it?

BUT THAT IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THIS: Get me a bucket. There are just some things that one does not need to think about. And then there's this.

I REPEAT: I really like the new album from Shearwater!

HALFIME IN AMERICA: The most talked about commercial during the Superbowl is the subject of an interesting piece of analysis from the folks at Salon. Personally, I'm not sure what the fuss is all about. It certainly got my attention and I thought that it was a very, very powerful bit of marketing. But I didn't feel compelled to look beyond that.

REASONS WHY I LOVE ICELAND: The music (exhibit one, two, three). The scenery (exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C). The unique government resources.

I CALL IT A RELIEF:

i+call+it+awesome(source)

Tell me you disagree.

OFFERED WITHOUT COMMENT: Ahem. That was really more of a throat clearing, really.

HELICOPTER PARENTS: Apparently they don't stop 'copterin' at graduation. Nope. Wow. Just wow.

TILTING AT WINDMILLS: This is such a losing endeavor. It also serves as a reminder about the veracity of the world-wide user-generated encyclopedia.

THAT'S AN ANGRY SKY:

that+cloud+looks+like+trouble(source)

MISSING IN INACTION: The series of my reactions to this story, in order: "Ew. Whoa. Really? Four freaking years? Wow. That's just sad."

INEVITABLE: I realize this was bound to happen, but I can't see this as anything other than a novelty tourist destination. But what the hell do I know?

CREEPY: Someone has a very unsavory take on Disney's dear heroines. It's like watching a really beautiful foreign movie without the moving parts. And, uh, sound.

ONCE UPON A TIME:

smoke+em+if+you+gargle...(source)

COMMISSION: I'm paying bank to whoever makes me one of these.

ADVANCEMENTS IN MEDICINE: There is now a crab robot that can go into your body and eat tumors.

THEN THERE'S THIS: Holy crap - this is how your body deals with cancer.

* With thanks to these guys for the inspiration. Love this band.